My twin boys always get a lot of attention, and today’s trip to the grocery store was no exception.

Rolling her cart next to mine, a woman exclaimed, “What beautiful little boys!”

“Oh thanks!” I was blown away by his compliment.

“I also have twins at home,” she continued. “What are your children’s names?”

“Caleb and Austen,” I replied, then unwisely added, “Don’t you hate it when people give their cute twins look-alike names like ‘Brandon’ and ‘Brandi’ or ‘Marlene’ and ‘Charlene’?”

Oddly, the woman gave a small half smile, but offered no response. Awkwardly, I blurted out, “So…what are the names of your twins?”

“Jimmy and Jamie,” he answered stiffly.

I wanted to get under the shopping cart!

Muttering, “Um, how adorable,” I ran to the frozen food section to cool off my burning cheeks. How could I have been so rude?

On another occasion I was discussing kitchens with a woman at my workplace.

“I don’t know why people are stupid enough to choose white cabinets,” I blurted out. “They show every fingerprint and look a lot cheaper than a good natural wood cabinet.”

To my surprise, the woman got up from her chair, mumbled something about going back to work, and hurried out of the break room. Now what was wrong with her? She was asking me.

A few weeks later, my co-workers and I went to this woman’s house for a party. Her teenage daughter took me on a tour of the house.

“Mom redid the kitchen a month ago,” she explained. “She put in all white countertops and cabinets. Aren’t they beautiful?”

My complexion became as white as the beautiful new cabinets in the kitchen. Once again, he had put his foot in my mouth!

Most of us can probably identify a time when we expressed an opinion that inadvertently hurt someone’s feelings. If we are honest with ourselves, chances are we can find two or three examples! Or maybe we can’t think of any because we’ve been so mortified by our loudmouths that we push the incident to the farthest reaches of our brain, never to retrieve it. I admit it has happened to me. Of course, I never meant to hurt anyone, but my “big mouth” nonetheless got me into trouble and strained many friendships.

John M. Byrne, author of “From God-Given to God-Driven,” told me that he once told acquaintances that it is inappropriate for children to call their parents by their first names. As soon as he opened his mouth, his two young children trotted over and called them “Bob” and “Shirley”! Byrne emphasizes that it’s best in such circumstances to make a quick and full apology, and to resist our natural urge to put our tails between our legs and run (such as my quick exit to the frozen food department).

The late Dr. Norman Vincent Peale wisely advised in his classic bestseller, “The Power of Positive Thinking,” “Beware of giving the impression that you know it all.” This is advice I have taken to heart. These days I’m keeping a tighter kidney on my tongue. It hasn’t been easy, but I’ve come up with a few tactics to keep my opinions to myself. Maybe they can be of help to you too.

1. Practice listening instead of talking. I’ve learned that if I really listen to what others are saying and don’t jump in with my own side of the story, I offend far fewer people. These days, I don’t weigh in with my own feelings unless an honest opinion is really solicited. When I speak, I encourage the other person to continue the conversation by asking questions: “How do you feel about that?” “What did you do?” “Are you happy with your decision?” I find that my foot is much drier these days when I use this tactic.

2. Balance the benefits of speaking up against the potential harm. Did I really benefit anyone by voicing my opinion about look-alike names or white cabinets? My unwarranted advice did no one any good, it was not helpful advice. On the other hand, a lot of harm can be done by making someone feel bad about a choice they’ve already made. In the situations above, if I had weighed the benefits of my advice against the risks of offending someone, I wouldn’t have said a word. The next time you’re tempted to express an opinion, ask yourself, “Am I really going to help someone by giving my point of view, or am I just eager to contribute to the conversation by showing my own feelings?” If the words of your mouth do not give the listener wisdom or understanding, then do not offer them.

3. Use your “speech gift” forever. Today, when I’m about to express an opinion, I remind myself that my “loose lips” can be used for a better purpose: making people feel good about themselves. Instead of telling my friends what I don’t like, I think about what I do. I may not care for my friend’s white cabinets, but I do care about her, and I can honestly let her know that her choice of wallpaper is outstanding. Name lookalikes may not be my cup of tea, but little Jimmy and Jamie are certainly a blessing, and I can let their mom know. Expressing positive thoughts makes you a better friend.

I spoke to a good friend on the phone the other day. He informed me that he had bought a new sofa for his living room. Recalling my own search for the perfect furniture, I was about to say, “Well, I’d never buy a leather sofa again. It’s so hard to keep clean with the kids, and it sticks to my legs in the summer!” . But then I remembered my vow to speak words of praise.

“You always have excellent taste, Kathy,” I told her. “I’m sure you made a lovely choice!”

It turns out that the sofa is leather, but it looks beautiful with its rug. By taming my tongue, I preserved our friendship. And after seeing Kathy’s hot new living room, you might even give leather another try!