You meet a guy, you click with him, you have this undeniable chemistry, and all your friends say you look good together. The only problem is that you have no idea where you are in his life or if you are supposed to expect something more. Unfortunately, we live in a society where “double standards” are a way of life. Women are not supposed to make the first move and that is how manipulation comes into play. No matter what your reasons are, you should never manipulate a man into committing to you, especially if you are thinking of having a healthy and loving relationship.

There are ways to get him to define the relationship, and the best way is to be direct about it. I know we’ve been told not to start “the conversation,” but if you’re the type of woman who hates investing in a relationship that’s going nowhere, the best thing to do is ask the guy where he thinks the relationship is going. Tell him that you’re not one to make assumptions and that you want to know what he wants from you. It is a very simple question that requires a direct answer. Ask him if he just wants to be friends or if he expects something more. Don’t worry about scaring him, he will appreciate your honesty if anything. If he isn’t serious with you and he just wants you to stay so he has someone to sleep with, he won’t be happy to answer your questions. Some words would come out of his mouth and he will try to change the subject immediately. You’ll be glad you asked for it for your sake. At least you know what’s really going on. This is his signal to reconsider his options. You have to decide if you are willing to take the risk or go ahead and keep looking.

If a guy comes clean with an honest answer and says “I’m having so much fun with you, but I don’t think I can be in a serious relationship right now. I don’t want to disappoint you or anything.” then maybe it’s time for you to go, but do it gracefully and tell him you understand, no hard feelings. Thank him for his honesty and politely ask him not to text or call you anymore. 9 out of 10 men will change their minds and the biggest mistake women make is that they call the man a couple of days later and say they are willing to be informal. There goes your dignity and your self-esteem out the window.

If you don’t have the courage to ask him or if it’s too early in the relationship, there is a more subtle approach on how to get him to define the relationship. He practices self-control and resists the urge to give the boy all the presents. Just as demeaning as the expression “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” I mean, there’s some truth to it, and whether we like it or not, it applies to most relationships, especially if you and the guy aren’t on the same page. Sure, you have sex regularly, but it should never be used as an indicator of how serious the relationship is. Just because he sleeps with you doesn’t mean he’s going to give you a title. Never assume you are someone’s girlfriend unless you have had that conversation. It doesn’t matter if he brings you flowers or if he takes yoga classes with you, you have to verbally agree that the two of you are exclusive, but until then, you can’t tell people that he is your boyfriend.