Wondering what to do to deal with the wrenching pain, or if what you’re feeling is normal? Not sure who to trust with the deep feelings you need to share? How can you find the help you need? There are many answers to these questions.

To begin with, rest assured that there is nothing wrong with seeking help. We need each other, especially when someone we love has died. And even if you have an adequate support system, you may still have a lot to learn about complaints if you had poor complaint models as a child. So what can you do? Here are six sources you can turn to as you see fit. It is your grievance, and you need to grieve in your own individual way.

1. Obviously, the first option to receive assistance should be those with whom you feel you have a relationship of greater trust. But then decide who are the best listeners. Who will allow you to express your pain, witness it and not try to fix it? Not everyone can do that. Who will stick with you long term? All friends and relatives have their pros and cons when it comes to caregiving. However, there are some that you will have to trust more than others, based on how well they can meet your needs.

2. At the beginning of your complaint you may not be interested in reading. But at some point, it can be very helpful to be aware of the wide range of normalcy in the claims process and the most commonly used strategies for coping with loss. We all need education in these areas as very little is done formally in schools. Here are two books I recommend to all of my support group members: The Mourning Handbook by Helen Fitzgerald and Life After Loss by Bob Deits. They are full of effective practical strategies to help you in your transition.

3. Join a complaint support group. While you may have an adequate support network, you can also greatly benefit from a grievance support group. They have trained facilitators and you will learn a lot from them as well as from other members of the group. And, you can also find a grievance partner in the group that you can talk to between meetings. There is nothing like finding someone who is also grieving and with whom you relate well. Look for support groups at your local hospital, hospice, or church, and be sure to ask about the facilitator’s background.

4. If you are dealing with a lot of anger, guilt, depression, or other complications, it may be worthwhile to seek the help of a professional counselor. Again, check their credentials (where they trained, how long they’ve been practicing, and what their specialties are) or ask someone you trust for a recommendation. It’s best if you can find a counselor whose main practice is helping those who are grieving. A trusted organization for contacting complaint specialists in your area is the Association for Death Education and Counseling (visit http://www.adec.org).

5. Get information and insights from the many complaint websites. There is a lot of useful information on the Internet that can be very helpful in your complaint work. Some sites have chat rooms where you can ask questions or join a discussion group. Just do a Google search for complaint websites and you will have plenty to choose from. Here are three that I recommend: http://www.GriefHealing.com, http://www.grow.org, and http://www.griefwatch.com.

6. Finally, there is a wealth of information on complaints and how to deal with losses that can be downloaded for free from the Internet, as well as from the websites mentioned above. The sites I am recommending now are rarely suggested to mourners, yet they have a plethora of materials to choose from. Just go to the site and type “complain” or “self-improvement” in the search box and you’ll have plenty of articles to choose from. Try the following: EzineArticles.com or http://www.articlesphere.com.

Remember, we all need a little help when we are grieving. Look for the specific answers to the questions you need to answer in the emotionally demanding complaint process, and let the rest go. There is nothing more important in adjusting to your loss than taking care of yourself and treating yourself well, in this time of great change.