Parents don’t always agree with what their children want. Parents don’t always agree with each other. This is true with little things like what’s best to eat, as well as some of the other things like whether or not it’s okay to wear belly rings. It can be frustrating to get the green light from one parent and have the other hit the brakes. This is true both in homes where the parents live together and in homes that have been separated by divorce. It’s an equal opportunity puzzle.

So what can you do, the teen, who wants nothing more right now than to get a piercing so she can wear one of those cute and trendy belly rings? This may be his first lesson in persuasion and negotiation. There’s no guarantee that you’ll win the battle of the belly buttons, but you’ll have the opportunity to learn a bit more about your parents and a bit more about how to advocate effectively.

How you approach this dilemma will often depend on your relationship with your parents and what your relationship is like between them. I have seen terrible power plays when divorced parents continue their personal struggles under the guise of doing what is best for the children. Children don’t want to be put in the middle of the situation, but they often do.

You may choose to go to the parent who is okay with the piercing and have them sign the permission form and then happily choose which belly rings you will purchase. The challenge with this is that you open a “can of worms” with the other parent. They may blame the consenting parent for undermining them, or they may feel hurt and betrayed by you for not listening to their decision.

The other option you have is to start a campaign of persuasion with the opposing parent. If you want to be seen as a young adult ready to handle her choice and the added attention that will come with wearing belly rings, then she should act accordingly.

Explain to them why you would like to get the piercing. Let them know about the procedure and the aftercare you are ready to go through so that there is no infection. Ask them why they are opposed to drilling, their answer may enlighten you. Based on that answer, you may be able to provide them with information that they hadn’t considered before. They may be opposed simply because they know someone who knows someone who has a daughter who wears belly button rings who is a troublemaker or a poor student. They may fear that by getting a belly piercing, you are somehow like that other girl.

Remind them who you are. Remind them of your values, your uniqueness, and everything that makes you the great person you are. Tell them that you respect them and that you would like them to reconsider their objection. Ask them what they would need to see to agree with your wishes.

This is all a process and it will not guarantee that your jewelry box will be filled with belly button rings as a result of your efforts… the parent who objects may still object. The decision to drill or not drill will still be up to you. You can choose to do it now, without the full support of both parents, or you can wait until you are of legal age so your parents don’t turn on each other. Give persuasion a try, you may be surprised at the results or the relationships that are built because of it.