YOU HAVE BEEN WRONG. You are furious and your first instinct is to take revenge. You can not avoid it; you are so stripped of any good feeling towards this person, and your whole world seems consumed by retribution. You are full of hate for anything that could be construed as a success for this person, or any situation that they may be involved in.

Most people can identify with this situation; indeed, everyone can. It’s good old-fashioned envy. When we have fallen into the trap of envy, seduced by it and deceived no less, it can be difficult (and sometimes seemingly impossible) to reverse the poisonous effects of this emotion. It is acid for both the victim and the perpetrator.

According to Wikipedia, envy is defined as “an emotion that ‘occurs when one person lacks the superior quality, achievement, or possession of another and desires it or wishes the other lacks'”.

The causes of envy often stem from upward comparison with others, although we are particularly susceptible to envy when we make comparisons with people of a similar position to ourselves.

So how do we approach and conquer this ‘green-eyed’ monster? The wisdom of Proverbs is a good place to start, particularly chapter 24. There is a simple idea in theory; become aware and challenge our thinking. Our challenge is to entertain our thoughts on this:

What to avoid: Attitudes lead to actions. The kind of envious attitude that ‘informs’ our actions unfortunately ‘returns’ and reinforces our held perceptions at the heart level; this is precisely why the emotion of envy is so poisonous and dangerous to our relationships. Envy is a power that seeks to destroy. It is clear that the thought that seeks to destroy must be remedied.

What to hug: Paul Koptak says that “envy is a power, but so is wisdom,” so we must embrace wisdom by replacing the destructive power of envy, with a power that builds and establishes, especially others such as those weaker and less fortunate than ourselves. The power of promotion! In some way it is about diverting attention from ourselves and putting it on those we can help. This employs the power of humility and heeds the truth that there are always others around us who are not doing as well as we are.

This shift in thinking defeats envy at its source: an arrogant focus on “me” versus a healthier focus on others.

It is a breath of fresh air for our souls to overcome envy; and it is always worth the effort.

Copyright © 2007, Steven John Wickham. All rights reserved throughout the world.