Once a relationship ends, it could result in two people going their own way. This will be a clean break, which means that both of you will be happy to move on with your life.

What this could illustrate is that they gradually separated, with nothing holding them together. Ending the relationship in this way will have meant that neither of you had to get to the point where you hated the other before anything was done.

Conscious decoupling

This would have prevented them from experiencing too much pain and drama. But, if they both didn’t have the level of self-awareness that they do, it could have been a different story.

Without this, their relationship might have had to get a lot worse before anything was done about it. So there is a possibility that the relationship would have lasted longer, but would have taken a very different route.

Another experience

On the contrary, one of them may have reached the point where he could see that it was no longer working. After spending time with them, perhaps it became clear that they were going on very different paths.

Before long, they may have opened up to their partner about what was happening to them and their partner may have accepted it. This would have prevented too many discomforts from building up and allowed them to separate in a more gentle way.

A common result

If this is what happened, it could be said that it is something much more common than the other experience. The reason for this is that it is rare for both people to feel equally attracted to each other.

As a result of this, one person may lose interest and the other may still be strongly attracted to them. A breakup can be relatively painless for one person, while it can be incredibly painful for another.

An approach

Regardless of how the relationship ended, neither of you could have an interest in painting your ex in a negative light. This does not mean that either of you will feel angry or hurt, but this will not give you the desire to make the other person look bad.

So if one of them is not well, you will do what you have to do to get over your pain. Lying on the other person would take away the energy they need to heal themselves.

Other approach

If the other does not feel much pain, it does not mean that he will not have anything to solve. Still, most of their energy could be directed towards other areas of their life, being well aware of how useless it would be for them to spend their time criticizing their ex.

This doesn’t mean that they won’t talk about what happened with a close friend, for example, but it won’t be a time where they will try to get their ex to look back. Taking this out can allow you to process what happened and gradually integrate the experience.

A different scenario

However, this will not always be the case, as it will not always be possible for someone to move on in this way. Instead, one of them may end up doing everything they can to make the other person look bad.

What may be strange about this is that the person who is trying to make your ex look bad could be the one who did the most damage. Therefore, even if there are problems on both sides, it will appear that one person is bad and the other is completely innocent.

What’s the matter?

So it may seem like someone like that doesn’t care about their ex; all they care about is looking good. If this involves destroying your ex’s image, so be it.

However, while this may seem like this is really about it, there are likely more. The reason someone would try to do this may be because they are trying to avoid their own feelings.

Avoidance

After your ex left you, you may end up coming into contact with a lot of shame and what happened after this will be a way to keep this shame at bay. Reducing the value of your ex is one way of trying to avoid feeling totally worthless.

What this shows is that they are disconnected from their inherent worth; their value is defined by how other people perceive them. With this in mind, it is clear why they would behave this way.

Personal protection

Deep down, they most likely would have feared that if they didn’t do this to their ex, their ex would smear them. So it was about making them look bad, or getting their ex to reveal how imperfect they are to the world.

It is unlikely that one would have felt worthless if this happened; they would have felt even worse. This would have been something that permeated their entire being, feeling like they were less than human.

Awareness

Ideally, someone like this would seek external support, to be able to overcome the pain that is within him. Perhaps they grew up in a very abusive environment.

This type of support is something that can be provided with the help of a therapist or healer. When someone behaves in this way, they are likely to lack self-awareness and this can prevent them from being able to acknowledge their pain and then seek support.