o Despite increased reporting, most people imagine a child molester as an ugly, old, or deranged man in a trench coat who coaxes children to come to him in exchange for some candy. They don’t think about Uncle Gus or Aunt Milly, the neighbor next door, the friendly clergyman, or the trusted friend of the family. They don’t think about mom, dad, cousins, siblings, grandparents or, in the case of single parents, their partner. These misconceptions are the only reason sex offenders can continue to sexually abuse children.

o The widespread misconception that child sexual abuse consists primarily of children being abducted from the street and forcibly abused is the lowest incidence of child sexual assault. Although these incidents do occur, 99% of child sexual abuse survivors know their abuser, who uses his or her status and knowledge of the child to intimidate and persuade the child to submit and obey.

o The most common response when I talk about the prevalence of child sexual abuse is in the form of denial: “I don’t have to worry about that in my community. That would never happen in my family.”

o Through numerous case studies, the Department of Justice has developed characteristics and behavior patterns of a pedophile. These behavior characteristics and patterns include, but are not limited to, the following:

Most of the time it is an adult man: 80% of children are sexually abused by family members; the father is the most frequent, followed by the uncle or grandfather and the stepfather or partner.

He is usually married.

Work in a wide range of occupations, from unskilled laborer, corporate executive, doctor, lawyer, judge, or clergyman.

Relate better to children than to adults.

Socialize with few adults unless they are pedophiles.

He usually prefers children in a specific age group.

Usually prefers males or females, but can be bisexual.

You can seek employment or volunteer in programs involving children of the age of your choice.

Persecutes children for sexual purposes.

He frequently photographs or collects photographs of his victims, whether clothed, nude, or in sexually explicit acts.

Collect child erotica and child-adult pornography:

Lower the victim’s inhibitions.

Fantasizing when no potential victim is available.

To revive your sexual activities.

To justify their activities. (The representation of others involved in these acts legitimizes them in the mind of the pedophile).

To blackmail victims to prevent them from saying so.

He may possess and supply his victims with narcotics to lower their inhibitions.

Sometimes he recognizes that he is acting inappropriately and understands the seriousness of it, but is unable to stop because it is a compulsion.

It does its best to hide its illegal activity.

He goes out of his way to present himself as an exemplary person; developing a person of irreproachable goodness, thus rejecting any suspicion of evil, especially against a child, to whom they have judicially professed great care and concern. Michael Jackson is the emperor of society without clothes.

He rationalizes his illicit activities, emphasizing his positive impact on the victim and repressing feelings about the harm he has done.

Often portrays the child as the aggressor. This usually occurs after the child realizes that by denying him “sexual favors” he will get what he wants, such as new toys, clothes, or trips. Joey Buttafuoco, the Long Island auto body shop owner who gained notoriety in the 1990s when his teenage victim shot his wife; he used the ‘blame the victim’ defense that she wouldn’t leave him alone, as if she were the adult and he was a minor.

He speaks of children as one would speak of an adult lover or spouse.

Most of the time, sex offenders are survivors of childhood sexual abuse; he frequently looks for children at the age or stage of physical development in which he was abused.

She often searches for publications and organizations that support her sexual beliefs and practices.

He usually corresponds with other pedophiles and trades child pornography and erotica as proof of participation.

He is generally non-violent and has few problems with the law (pedophiles are usually respected members of the community).

To protect children from sexual abuse, parents/adults need to know: What sexual abuse or incest is; To do; and How to teach self-protection. Self-protection offers a direct and effective way to empower children to help themselves. Since the perpetrator cunningly and foresight sets the stage to perpetrate this crime in secret, who is better able to protect himself than the child? Sex offenders say they can sense a child to victimize; they sense it from the child’s behavior, body language, and facial expressions. Sex offenders choose victims who they assume will keep the secret. No child needs to fall prey to these cunning predators. If only I had known… Sexual Abuse Within or Without the Family: A Guide to Prevention is the one book every parent/caregiver needs to keep children safe. This book outlines seven convincing parent-approved, kid-tested techniques for thwarting would-be sex offenders.