The first time you see your ex after he broke up with you is going to be very emotional. If you’re looking to get back together with him, you’re probably going to be very nervous. And whether or not he’s looking to fix your breakup, he’ll also be nervous. Although you probably spoke on the phone or via email, this is the first physical contact you’ve had with your ex in a long time. The fights and arguments that likely ended your relationship have faded away, leaving you both with a clear head.

Reaching this point in your reconciliation is a good sign. Even if you (or your ex) set this up as a friendly lunch or cup of coffee, the fact that he’s here talking to you one-on-one definitely says something that he’s still potentially interested. If your boyfriend had left, he probably wouldn’t be here. And if you think that he is sitting in front of you just to “be your friend”, then you are completely wrong. He or he wants to date you again or he or she wants to have the opportunity to date you again in the future. Of course, there’s also the possibility that he’s looking for a relationship with an ex-girlfriend… but that’s a whole different situation.

When a man breaks up with you, it’s never final. There are always ways to get back together, regardless of the circumstances. But if you’ve been actively working to win your boyfriend back, chances are he’s here to at least listen to you. That is why you should arrive at the meeting date as prepared as possible.

First of all, stay away from any serious conversation. Don’t let small talk completely dominate things here (you don’t want to bore him!), but at the same time you should avoid talking about your breakup at all. Try reading it, and see what you’re feeling. If you talk, listen. Do not interrupt. What he says is probably important, and you don’t want to miss it by chiming in with a nervous and awkward conversation. If your ex mentions that he misses you, tell him you feel the same way. If he brings up his past relationship, simply tell him that you wish things didn’t end the way they did. This opens the door for you, ever so slightly, to move on. You are letting him know that you are still interested, but without going overboard.

Above all, DO NOT apologize, even if you mean it. This is not the time or the place to repeat what happened between the two of you. Meeting your ex boyfriend for the first time after the breakup is all about making him comfortable with you. He’s happy to see you, and keep things light and casual. Chances are, he’s happy too, and you both can fall back into that old familiarity of just being together. This is good, because it reminds him of what he was like until he went out with you.

If all else fails and the conversation boils down to nothing more than small talk, you can try one last thing: retrieve a memory from the past. Think about the best time the two of you have ever had together and the place where you spent it. Mention him casually: Tell him that you passed by that place the other day and thought of him. Look what he does. If he looks uncomfortable, back off a bit. But if he smiles and nods in acknowledgment, you’ve just planted a little seed in his head. Later, that seed will sprout a little by also remembering those good times. And just like that, you have him thinking of you again. Little steps!