“Playing Soldier” is a raw and masterfully written memoir by F. Scott Service. The book is dedicated to personal experience of war. The author starts from the motivation that can lead someone to participate, takes us through a fragment of war and ends his story with the aftermath.

Our journey through Scott begins at the very beginning with his childhood. He grew up in a loving home, but not in a perfect home. An only child, he finds refuge from everyday life in fiction and play. One day he finds his father’s old campaign jacket which opens up a new narrative for him, playing soldier. Dressed in his father’s jacket and armed with a BB gun, he shares the battlefield with the neighborhood kids. The school fails to capture Scott’s attention; he would prefer to continue exploring the many worlds of fiction. He dreamed of becoming a literary world builder himself, but was repeatedly drawn to more practical career alternatives.

The next phase of his life slowly arrives and Scott marries his college sweetheart, Rita, with whom he raises Spazzy, his beloved cat. Hand in hand they gradually built their future together. But the shiny surface blinds Scott to a dark truth lurking in the corner of his consciousness, for there is no substance to this projection of life together. The self was lost in us, or simply in her. So when offered the opportunity to join the National Guard, Scott, with his wife’s blessing, decides to follow his inner child’s call to adventure. The military still have almost magical control over him; he is wrapped in romance and emotion. In addition, the recruiter also flaunts the prospect of a good salary and better job opportunities.

But what begins as playing a soldier during his training soon turns into an unrecognizable reality of expulsion on the brink of existence, when Scott is left to fight in Iraq. This is not the military service of his childhood games, nor the image that flourished in his imagination ever since. It is something beyond reach and reason. The war transforms into a black sun that slowly burns away his sense of reality and of himself. And when Rita decides to file for divorce, Scott’s previous life becomes another guarantee of war.

Disillusioned by the war, Scott tries to sever his ties with the military and rebuild a new life. But the shadow cast by the combat seems unwilling to let him go. The expected social reintegration is severely hampered by an ugly divorce, an existential crisis, and post-traumatic stress disorder. The temptation of the final escape shines a light on Scott and he begins a new journey.

“Playing Soldier” is a deeply thoughtful take on life itself and life in general. F. Scott Service deftly draws readers in through a series of intimate confessions and hooks them with a sweet, melancholy note that resonates throughout the book’s pages. The book’s effortlessly lofty literary language can hook anyone, regardless of his or her interest in the subject of war. After all, this is a memoir dedicated to the human condition in its rawest form, walking the line between life and death.