No matter how many lists you make, cards you send, gifts you buy, or packages you wrap, there will be things you meant to do this holiday season that won’t get done. If you manage to get everything done, but are too tired to enjoy the season, everyone suffers.

Consider these tips to minimize your stress and maximize the meaning of this holiday season:

1. Manipulate tradition. Dragging yourself through “we’ve always done it” rituals when they’ve lost their meaning, and you’ve lost their energy, doesn’t add to the holiday cheer.

2. Start the season by making a list, but don’t stop there. Choose the most important item, the second, and further down the list. Remember, a creative mind always has more ideas than the body can pull off!

3. Use your calendar, not only for appointments with other people, but also with yourself. If you plan to send cards, estimate how long it will take you to write and address them, and block that time on your calendar.

4. Ask your family what is important. Prepared meals instead of homemade meals mean more time sharing new sports equipment and relaxing with friends.

5. Avoid perfectionism in gift-giving. It is the intention that counts. Choose one or two gifts that can serve several people. A relaxed parent or hostess is a greater gift than anything money can buy.

6. Focus your energy. If your family isn’t as excited about decorating the whole house as you are, invest your efforts in what means the most to you.

7. If the holidays bring grief due to death, divorce, or family distance, be kind to yourself. Recognize that the grievance is healthy and that next year will be better, even if you may not believe it today. Focus on making other people’s holidays more joyful.

8. Take a break from total bonding. Let your child call a friend and take a nap. Give your brothers the car keys and a map. The idea is that everyone enjoys the occasion.

9. Be clear about expectations. If you never tell your family what you want them to do, it’s unfair to expect them to know.

10. Review your list, put down what you can live without, and enjoy the real reason for the season.