Before talking about how to manage aggressive behaviors, let’s talk about what behaviors are.

Behavior is a way a child can communicate with others. All behavior, good and bad, is how preschoolers communicate and let others know what they need. When the child begins to demonstrate problem behaviors, he must be very proactive and address the problems before the behaviors get out of control.

One of the hardest things to do is figure out why your child is having problem behaviors. Behaviors are a symptom, not the answer. Caregivers have to play detective to figure out what is causing the aggression, but most of the time they don’t even know what the problems are, all they know is that something is wrong with their world.

So what do preschool teachers do to manage these behaviors?

1. The first thing you can do is make sure the child has a schedule. Not only to make things easier for you, but also to control the anxiety you feel. The schedules give the child the security of knowing what is going to happen every day at the same time. He won’t like it because he’s used to being the boss of the house.

2. When you start trying to control him, his behavior will increase dramatically. He will throw fits, refuse to stay in his bed, throw things, scream and cry. If he gets out of bed quietly, put him back in his bed. You don’t need to explain it to him. He knows that he should no longer sleep in his parents’ bed.

3. As you work on the bedtime routine, their behavior will skyrocket. He will hit, bite, kick and scream. The fact that the behavior gets worse shows that you are regaining control. He won’t like it, but if you don’t control him before he grows up, things won’t go well for him.

4. As mentioned above, there is a reason for his aggressive behavior. You will have to be one step ahead of him at all times. Have a plan in place so when you’re in the middle of a battle you already know what steps you’re going to take because you’ll want to put your hands up and let him do what he wants. He becomes very overwhelming when you are in the middle of the battle.

5. Use the time out. I know it doesn’t look like it’s going to work, but if you follow the steps you’ll see the difference. Here’s an example: Your child hits someone on the playground. The teacher approaches him where he had just thrown sand into one of the girl’s eyes. Hopefully, as part of his plan, he has found a place to time out. When you get to him, just tell him “no knocks,” take him to the time-out chair and sit him down. You don’t say anything else. When he stumbles to get up and run, you catch him and say, “You can’t get away from me.” Take it back to the meat. This can take hundreds of times, but be consistent and don’t give up. When his time out is over, give him a hug and ask him to tell the other child he’s sorry.

So what do you think is his motivation? He wanted it his way and you started making rules. The normal tactics that he has used in the past don’t work, so he feels insecure. What he doesn’t know is that you’re going to continue like this. This will work for home and school; you just have to train the staff.

Keep in mind that this will be an ongoing way of disciplining him. You will most likely start with problem behaviors and when you return to time out, the problem behavior will increase. Teachers and parents should be prepared for him to be very upset when he realizes that everyone is working together and he has to follow the rules. Behaviors aren’t going to change overnight, but if you keep doing what I’m teaching you, it will work. It may take a month or two to see the full impact of changing those problem behaviors. Not to mention that as it grows, things are going to change and you’ll have to figure out all over again what the problems are.

Could this be your son? Leave comments and questions. I’ll be updating quite frequently, so keep checking back!