Should I be a foster parent?

You’ve been thinking about becoming a foster parent. You love children and you have a lot to give. Your children have grown up and are away from home or you would love to have a sibling for your child. Maybe you are single and you really want to take care of a child or a couple who do not have children but want to help children in need. You see children’s need for safe and welcoming homes and you know that you can meet that need. How do you know if this is something you can do? Here are some thoughts to ponder when making your decision.

There is definitely a need for caring adoptive parents. According to the US Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Administration for Children, Youth and Families, Office for Children, there were 463,000 children in foster care on September 20, 2008 in the United States. There are many children who need a safe home. There can be many rewards for being a foster parent, but also many struggles.

Are you willing to commit to the process and to the child? Sometimes prospective foster parents have a fairy tale idea of ​​what a foster family will look like. Unfortunately, the reality of foster care can be much more difficult. If you agree with a child in your home who is not equipped to drive, this could lead to a failed placement of a child. Many foster children have multiple placements. Children in multiple locations often have attachment problems (Marcus (1991) as cited in various texts, including WebMD’s Medscape). Instability of foster care has also been found to be associated with increased mental health costs during the initial year of foster care (Ruvin, Alessandrini et al.)

Ask lots of questions before agreeing to bring a child. A social worker may be begging you and the child has a really sad story, but if you are not prepared to handle the child’s needs, you may end up doing more harm than good. If there is a behavior you cannot imagine engaging in in your home, such as sexual behavior, drug use, or even a medical or developmental disability, it is okay to say that you are not a good match for that child. If you only want babies or you only want teenagers, say so. There is someone out there who will be a good match for that youngster and both the child and the location will be more successful.

Are you willing to let many other people come into your life? There will be social workers, supervisors, and people from the court who will watch your life. There are home visits and brief hearings and clinical meetings. Most professionals will be competent and caring people. However, people sometimes tend to judge where they shouldn’t. You may feel judged and as if the people who enter your home don’t seem to be complying with anything. On the other hand, you can get phenomenal workers and therapists who will facilitate the whole experience. You won’t have much control over the professionals who come and go in your life, so it’s a good idea to assess how comfortable you will feel with the lack of control. Also assess how you will cope when you see that the professionals are making decisions on behalf of the child, that you live with you, and that you have come to know so well that you think they are absolutely ridiculous.

Can you connect with the biological family? Can you at least be positive about the biological family around the child and support visits? For most foster children, the first goal is to keep the children with their family and return them to their parents. Children simply do better with their own parents. As a foster parent, you are expected to ensure that children are available for visits with their parents and / or siblings. Some agencies may even ask you for help with transportation and sometimes even supervision. Ask about visitation plans when bringing a child home. Honestly, let the licensing agency feel comfortable helping with the birth family. Try to be open to working with the birth family. Some of the most successful cases are when the foster parent and birth family can interact and learn from each other resulting in a successful child.

Remember that workload is like raising your own children with more rules and maybe more services. There is still school, teaching, meal times, social activities, discipline, extracurricular activities, and then visits from siblings and parents. Depending on the age of the child, there may be mental health therapy appointments and, for most children, more required physical and dental exams that you may have for your own children. Also remember that if there are problems in your home now, the problems will be compounded by adding a child to your life.

Identify your motivations. Everyone has underlying needs and wants. It is reasonable to want the good feeling that comes from helping someone else. As a foster parent, you can be the stable adult in a child’s life. You can be a role model and an adult who keeps them safe and provides an enriching environment. However, if you need a lot more validation than that, you might be disappointed. You may receive praise from social workers, teachers, and other professionals. You may get less from the children themselves. Sometimes it is difficult to understand how a child can emerge from what could be a horrendous story, yet they are still not happy to be away from their family or grateful that you are taking care of them. Children love their biological families. Foster children are brought to a new home where all traditions and expectations are different than before. They probably won’t express overwhelming gratitude for your life that has been turned upside down. Foster children often move many times. A foster child may show gratitude and appreciation, but you may be disappointed if you accept that expectation.

Remember that the foster child has suffered many losses. They have suffered the loss of their biological family, for whatever reason. A child may have the loss of living in a family environment, the loss of school, friends or traditions, perhaps even several different host families. Many foster children are in therapy and / or need a lot of support and understanding due to these issues. Ask yourself if you can feel empathy. Can you recognize the loss in your own life that will help you connect with the child? One practical consideration is finances. You will be reimbursed something for caring for the youngsters, but if you have children of your own, you know that having children is expensive. There may be a delay before you receive your first 00000 refund, so find out how you are going to handle that. There will always be things that are not covered or non-refundable, so be sure to look at finances realistically before accepting a foster child.

There are a few things you shouldn’t worry about when deciding whether you want to be a foster parent. First, remember that you don’t have to be perfect to be a foster parent. You don’t have to have unlimited resources or a perfect house or absolutely everything is fine in your life. Are you a reasonable and sane adult with extra stability and space? If yes, then it should be fine. There can be many tangible and emotional rewards for being a foster parent if you rise to the challenge.

When deciding to remain an adoptive parent, it is recommended that you research the agencies available to monitor your license. There is probably a good fit for you as a foster parent. Some agencies accept anyone, some agencies pay different refunds, some agencies may target a single person, a gay couple, or a person without children, and some may resist. Whatever your life situation, there is probably an agency that is a good fit for you and has values ​​consistent with yours. Ask all the questions you can think of. Talk to other foster parents and learn from their experiences. Wait and listen to the trainings on offer. Make sure you are honest with the entity the licensing agency is targeting. If you are an adoption-only foster parent, make sure they know about it. Let them know that you only want children whose parental rights have been terminated. Conversely, if you don’t want to be a permanent location, but rather a safe haven, let the agency know.

There is a place for all types of adoptive parents. Children and youth need safe and stable homes, and you may be the one to provide them.

Recommended resource

The “Multiple Transitions” training video that looks at foster care from a foster child’s perspective is available from The Infant-Parent Institute, Inc. based in Champaign, IL. This writer saw this video after many years in the child welfare field. It sounds like one of the best general descriptions of a child’s place in the system, and it also illustrates many problems you may encounter as a foster parent. (This writer has no affiliation with this institute).

Cited works

“AFCARS Report – Preliminary Estimates for Fiscal Year 2008 to October 2009 (16)”. Administration for Children and Families home page. Np, nd Web. February 23, 2010.

David M. Rubin, MD, MSCE * ,,, ||, Evaline A. Alessandrini, MD, MSCE * ,, || ,, Chris Feudtner, MD, PhD, MPH * ,,, ||, David S. Mandell, ScD * ,, #, A. Russell Localio, JD, MS ||, **, Trevor Hadley, PhD PEDIATRICS Vol. 113 , no. May 5, 2004, pp. Placement Stability and Mental Health Costs for Children in Foster Homes

Marcus, R. (1991). The attachments of children in foster homes. Genetics, Social and General Psychology Monographs, 117 (4) 367-395 as cited in Medscape Today by webmd Foster Child Health and Development: Developmental Impact of Foster Care retrieved on 03/01/2010

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